6 signs you might be a good mom

Maybe you don’t actually question if you’re a decent parent. For myself, I tend to question if I’m doing enough. That concern is born out of a deep-seated concern for my children’s welfare that was created in me by God when I became a first-time mother. If you ever ask that question, you might be a good mom. Here are six other signs you might be a good mom:

1. Your Target grocery basket has 8,427 kid and baby items and two mama items. Maybe. 

Target runs are somewhat rare for me, as venturing out with the three rascals is rather ambitious. But if I have an extra dollar, the question of whether it’s going to me or my kids does not actually exist. If you find this happening to you, you might be a good mom. 

2. When you hear crying at 2AM, your concern for their welfare is somewhat greater than your desire to keep sleeping. Most of the time. 

What’s more, even if you’re normally a heavy sleeper, the slightest whimper can wake you up. Especially during those newborn days. Sheesh (By the way, if you’re paranoid about your baby not breathing, this movement monitor is perfect). If you can’t snooze straight through your kids wailing like the boogeyman just ate their arm, you might be a good mom. 

3. You eat your dinner cold. And last. 

Every meal is punctuated with requests that require you to leave your seat, which is extra-appealing after being on your feet for the last hour or so preparing and serving the meal. If answering most of your kids’ mealtime demands leaves your arroz con gandules (ha! As if I know how to make that dish) less-than-steaming at the point at which it enters your mouth, you might be a good mom. 

4. You spend less time in the shower than you do cleaning oatmeal from their hair and clothes. 

The screaming, whining, and inconsiderate requests are inevitable once you unrobe and start the water. The question is, how long can you ignore them before mommy guilt forces you to cut things short? If you barely spend enough time in the shower to clean yourself (and often not even every day) because you’re worried your kids might end up in the ER during the five minutes they’re not in your control, you might be a good mom (disclaimer: please make sure your kids are in a safe spot while you shower. Leaving the baby next to an open flame is NOT a good idea. But you know this, because you’re probably a good mom).

5. You’re willing to endure ninety minutes of preparations for a sixty minute trip to the park. 

The park is essential for everyone’s sanity. You can only spend so many days in a row cooped up in the kitchen cooking and cleaning with the occasional foray into the laundry room. Your kids are getting restless playing with the same (who are we kidding: 2,476) toys and need some sunshine. You might be a good mom if you’re willing to go the distance and change the diaper that just got changed so that you all can enjoy the venue of your kids’ choice. 

6. You might be a good mom if you yell at your kids on occasion.

Whaaaaaaat? Sorry, a bit of a departure from the flavor of this post, but yes, even moms who sometimes lose it after their kid just dumped their entire dinner on the floor and then slapped mama in the face, even these mothers can be considered a good mom. If you feel guilty about it, apologize to your kid, and pray for God to give you grace to do it less, you’re still a good mom. 

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Why You Just Might Be the Proverbs 31 Woman

“She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” Proverbs 31:15-16

I used to feel badly that I’m a WAHM (work-at-home-mom). If I didn’t have to work, I could spend more time with my kids, clean my house more, be a better wife, blah, blah, blah. Half of that is genuine mom-guilt, the emotion that plagues nearly every woman to have birthed a baby. The guilt is usually nonsensical. When they’re a baby: guilt that I don’t hold her enough. Guilt that I hold her too much. When they’re a toddler: Guilt that I don’t discipline them enough. Guilt that I’m too hard on them. See a trend here? But the other half of the reason I drag my feet about working is that the idea of having one less thing on my plate is simply heavenly.

For some reason, despite multiple readings of Proverbs 31 (mandatory, of course, for every Christian wife, especially due to the shortage of descriptive biblical material on the subject), the overarching theme of the passage seemed to elude me. I think most everyone who has ever referenced the chapter has done what I do, focus on this verse:

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

An excellent verse. But it does not sum up the content of the section. It is not the theme of the Proverbs 31 woman. Instead, ninety-percent of these verses describe how this godly woman who is to be praised is a working woman. Not a SAHM. Yeah, I understand, cultural differences and stuff. But I think it’s astounding how applicable this is today. The main idea, that it is honorable for a wife and mom to bring in supplemental income to her family, is extremely applicable. Today it is rarely considered supplemental income! Oftentimes both the husband and wife have to work just to pay the bills.

It is interesting that for years it has been thought proper for the wife to stay at home while her husband worked. The wife’s place is in the kitchen, at home, with the children. But according to Proverbs 31, not only is it acceptable to the LORD for the wife to be bringing money to the table, it is considered honorable and commendable.

This is not a knock on the rare SAHM variety. Everyone’s situation is different, and every season is different. But if you are able in any way, shape, or form, to bring a little extra income to your family, even if it’s working from home, selling crafts or vegetables from your garden – whatever, be creative! Use your gifts! This is something God delights in. He sees us, and our day-to-day struggle with our family and our busy lives. For those of us able to push it further and “(select) wool and flax, and (work) with eager hands” (HaHa, okay, maybe not those materials, exactly) God will give us the strength and blessing to do it.

10 scriptures I wish weren’t in the Bible

Before you all try to burn me at the stake for heresy here, I’m not trying to carve up the Bible. These are simply passages that are especially challenging for me, and probably most people. There are verses that most people don’t believe are in the Bible, like “Money is the answer to everything”, but these ones I struggle with because I’m simply not where I need to be spiritually. And while I say I wish they weren’t in the Bible, a closer truth is that I wish my life exemplified them and that I personally didn’t find them so hard to live out. 

1. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,”‭‭ Philippians‬ ‭2:3‬ ‭

How are y’all doing at valuing others above yourself? I mean, my kids, probably. But beyond my family? Maybe not. 

2. “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.”‭‭ Proverbs‬ 12:1

I’m working real hard at this, but I’m pretty sure I fall into the “stupid” category. Raise your hand if you love correction. 

3. “Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:1‬ 

I want to be done with sin! Suffer in the body? No, thank you. 

4. Pretty much the whole Sermon on the Mount should be on this list, but here’s a good one: ““Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.” Matthew‬ ‭5:11‬ ‭

Is this the kind of blessing Jabez was praying for? Cause when I think of “blessing”, insults and persecution aren’t the first thing that comes to mind. 

5. “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” ‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1:8 

I love reading my Bible. I do it (almost) every day. But meditate on it day and night? Not quite there yet. Wish I was! Pray for me. 

6. “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭28:19‬ ‭

Everyone loves this scripture, actually. Always quoting it and stuff. But when I think of how much discipling I’ve actually done, this is a reminder of how much I need to grow in this area. Although I’d like to think my blog has done a bit of this *checks stats to see all the countries that have visited gloriousmomblog.com. Oh, 150. Awesome!*

7. How about the first half of Matthew‬ ‭5:22: “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.”

I hope “brother or sister” doesn’t include “spouse”, because then I’m in trouble. I mean, who’s never been mad at their spouse? I guess some repentance is in order. 

8. Another gem from the Sermon on the Mount: “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”‭‭ Matthew‬ ‭5:39‬ ‭

This one is a little easier for me because I’ve seen the fruit of this kind of reaction in my life. It has the power to transform you and breaks any power an “evil person” can hold over you. Doesn’t mean it’s easy, though. 

9. James is another challenging book to read. Listen to this one: “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” James‬ ‭1:26‬

Watching what we say is hard for EVERYONE, but out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks! Man. Worthless. No room there, James. None at all. 

10. The last one I have is another one in James: “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesnʼt do it, it is sin for them.” ‭‭James‬ ‭4:17‬ 

I asked my husband which scripture he had a hardest time with, and he said, “husbands love your wives.” He thought he was being clever. 

But seriously, if after reading this list you aren’t convinced that you’ll never be good enough without God’s help, read this post here. Sometimes we just need a reminder that we’re completely incapable of being good, righteous, or holy without divine assistance and that seriously the most spiritual thing we can do, like this man here, is admit our failings to God and ask Him for help. 

I SO don’t have it all together

It happened. I became a pastor’s wife. Well, technically, I married him before he became a pastor, and he’s a worship pastor, but it’s the same concept. So lots of people see me, and know who I am. I’m not in the least obsessed with what people think of me, but with many eyes on me, representing my husband and my church, I have to be vigilant about my demeanor. 

I get it. Seriously, whatever helps people and keeps them from being offended. It’s not about me. But sometimes I feel like presenting this view of a flawless, amazing person doesn’t always help people. Not that they think I’m flawless. Clearly I don’t have supreme control over my kids, and I’m constantly recounting crazy stories of our life. But for the people who think I’m remotely close to flawless, or that such people exist, I’m here to debunk the foolishness. 

My dazzling Sunday morning look is achieved in no more than ten minutes. 

I can’t even get a shower in before church. Well … I could. It just would mean less sleep. Unfortunately, I’m not that dedicated to my appearance right now. Since my husband is the worship leader, he goes early and I’m left getting three munchkins ready by myself. 

My musical abilities were not a gift granted to me. I’m not “lucky” that I can play and sing. I worked hard to get where I’m at.

That said, talent requires cultivation, something I’ve barely done since having kids. I have some skill, but in the scheme of things, it’s not that much. 

I have to work hard to keep my calm with my kids, and I’m not always successful. 

Moms with just one kid are in awe of me with my three, and I’m mystified by the mama with seven kids. Bottom line, don’t compare. 

If you stopped by my house for a visit and it was clean, you’ve been conned. 

We rarely have people over, and when we do, getting the house presentable is exhausting. I just can’t sustain that every day; I don’t have that kind of energy. It’s not that I don’t clean. I spend more time cleaning than doing anything else. But we’ve got five mess-makers and two people who clean, so you get the idea. 

If you look at the direction and fruit of my life, you could draw a conclusion that I’ve led a charmed life. 

I’ve found that it pays to be honest with myself. First of all, I have no good apart from God. I’m not going to lie and say there aren’t good things I’ve accomplished and that God has worked into my character and understanding. I’ve done my part to allow Him to work, and He’s done miracles. 

However, I can look at myself objectively and see that there are areas I need to grow in, and areas that I’ve had victory in. 

The idea that anyone has it all together is a farce. Some people are just better at hiding their issues. 

As Christians, we are on a journey of being transformed into Christ’s image. We’re all in different places, but none of us, not even the Apostle Paul, have attained it yet (well, NOW he has). 

I’m just a regular girl trying to look like Jesus. I don’t beat myself up for my shortcomings, and I’m not puffed up about my strengths. 

With my eyes fixed on Jesus, can’t see much of myself anyway. 

10 Tools to Help You Read the Bible

“My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times.” Psalm 119:20

1. Get a Bible reading plan

There’s an excellent Bible app called “YouVersion” that lets you pick a variety of plans, anywhere from a 7 day plan to a year-long plan. You can even opt to have a daily reminder. It fills you with a sense of accomplishment as you finish each plan, eager to start a new one. If you get behind, you don’t have to feel badly about it. This app has a “catch me up” feature that brings you back to where you left off.

2. Get a Bible coloring book

If you’re looking for a creative way to get the Word inside you, meditate while creating art! There’s tons of adult coloring books that are centered around the theme of scripture verses. This looks cool, and hey, only five bucks! My guess is this will help you with memorization as well.

3. Get a nice Bible journal

Make notes while you read, in the journal, highlighting revelation from the Holy Spirit so you can remember it later. For fun, use different color pens and accent with stickers and doodles. Of course, if you’re doing this, it might be a good idea to have an actual Bible instead of just the one on your phone, and then you can write in it as well. You can highlight and add notes with the YouVersion app, but sometimes you just want to write in your own handwriting.

4. Make a habit of it

It doesn’t have to be in the morning, but reading the Bible at the same time every day will help you remember to do it. A friend of mine told me once: “Do the best thing first” and it’s stuck with me through the years. Before switching to a morning quiet time, I used to try to read my Bible as soon as the kids were in bed and the house was clean, before reading or vegging out on social media.

5. Pick a few verses and meditate on them

While I was on staff at the International House of Prayer, I was introduced to a form of Bible meditation where you take a verse or two and break it into phrases. Armed with a piece of paper and a pencil, you then would apply the pattern “sing it, say it, read it, pray it” to each phrase. This is an excellent way to get the Word lodged in your heart. It’s not always necessary to consume large quantities of the Bible. Getting revelation on small bits is just as important.

6. Sing through the verses

If you play an instrument, I highly recommend playing while singing through scripture. Otherwise, pop in some instrumental music. The Psalms is a great place to start, although I love flowery passages such as Ephesians 1 as well. I recorded myself once, and was often getting melodies of Bible verses stuck in my head.

7. Study topics through the Thompson Chain Bible

If you really want to hide God’s Word in your heart and get familiar with it, you want to do more than just read it. My absolute favorite tool for Bible study is the Thompson Chain Bible. It’s available for your mobile device as an add-on in the Olive Tree Bible app (check it out here), and, of course, they carry a hardcover version as well. The Thompson Chain lists topics in each verse and assigns a number. For instance, if I’m reading John 3:16, one of the topics listed will be God’s love. I can then see the number assigned to God’s love, and find all the other scriptures under that topic. I studied this way for a number of topics. The nice thing is that when you pray, you will have all these verses memorized more or less according to topic, so that your prayers are coming straight from the Bible.

8. Pray through verses

The Bible is full of “biblical prayers,” prayers that the author of the book prayed over himself or the saints. Get a hold of these, and pray them over yourself and your friends and family. These are rich verses, and praying words aligned with God’s heart and will is always an excellent idea. An internet search for “biblical prayers” will turn these up for you.

9. Get accountable

Get a Bible-reading partner, and keep each other accountable. It’s so much easier to stay on the wagon if you know you’ll have to confess it to someone else when you’ve stopped reading. A missed day here or there isn’t a big deal, but when you start a new habit of not reading the Word, you want to acknowledge it and get yourself back in the game.

10. Start memorizing

There’s so much time during the day when your brain isn’t engaged actively in a task: when you’re washing the dishes, folding laundry, driving, taking a shower, etc. Why not invest that time in something that counts for eternity? I haven’t been faithful in Bible memorization lately, but when I was, I used the apps “BibleMinded” and “Don’t Forget.”

It’s so easy to get sucked into the dark vortex that is this world. Our mind and emotions are prey to ungodly sentiments via social media, television, coworkers, and friends and family. It is important to get washed from the filth of this world by washing yourself with the water of the Word (Eph. 5:26). When we first start regularly reading the Bible again, it’s a discipline, something that is not necessarily enjoyable, but necessary. Once it’s a habit, it begins to transform you from the inside out and becomes no longer something you have to do, but something you love to do.

A new snack your kids will love

If you’re like me, your kids snack constantly, and are constantly deciding they’re tired of what’s in the cupboard. Unless it’s candy, which, of course, they would eat for all three meals and snacks if you let them. I recently posted about healthy snacks for your toddler here, but then I discovered another snack that is not only delicious and kid-approved, but is actually full of wholesome ingredients. 

Another snack food that my kids never seem to tire of is chips. In fact, they’ve made the short list of foods my autistic son will actually verbalize (chips!!chips!!!). I think chips are a go-to munchie for most people, but they’re usually ridiculously high in sodium and other things you don’t want in your (or your offspring’s) body. 

Deep River Snacks asked me to review their product, and of course, I’m thinking, do you know how quickly we burn through snacks around here? Yeah! Besides, discovering healthy snacks is always fun. 

I sampled three varieties of the Honchos tortilla chips (Deep River Snacks also sells kettle chips, potato chips, popcorn, and baked chips): ranch, nacho cheese, and peach habanero. Healthier does not always necessarily mean tastier, but I was pleasantly surprised by the flavor and texture of the ranch flavored chips. 

I would definitely say that the taste was as good or better than an unhealthy version of the chip (we’re all thinking of the one that starts with a “D”). The only thing I have against this chip is that it’s not the peach habanero. But more on that later. The nacho cheese was also totally yummy. It seems taking out all the bad stuff doesn’t adversely affect the taste. Who would’ve thought. 

My three kids, my husband and I all sampled all three varieties and we all really enjoyed them all, but I gotta tell you, the peach habanero was on another level. I don’t know how they managed to get a perfect approximation of a peach in a chip, but it is amazing. Pretty much the perfect chip. I mean I’m literally unsure I’ve enjoyed a tastier chip in my life …

Okay, so now for the information you’re practically begging me for: how can I get my hands on this delectable yet nutritious health product?! The great news is that there’s a pretty good chance your local grocery store carries it. You’ll find it either in the deli, organic or gluten-free aisle. You can click here to check for sure. You can also buy it on Amazon!

Do yourself and your kids a favor, stock up on the yumminess and take my advice: double up on the peach habanero. You just don’t want to deal with the disappointment when the bag comes up empty. 

The flip side of intense love

I wanted to call this post “Why even moms struggle with sadness”, but a week or so ago I published “The surprising reason you had a bad day”, and it sounded too similar, even though it’s not. 

Nothing brings you more joy than having a family. So with all the love and adventure swirling around, why do we moms suffer from the blues more often than we’d like to admit?

Here’s my theory: apart from the general longing for perfection and beauty that is unfulfilled in this life, as described in my post here, I think it has to do with the hundreds of repeated failures we face every day. 

I do not think these tiny failures make you a failure as a mom. The problem is, we hold tiny worlds in our clumsy hands. We’re responsible for balance, order, making sure everyone is fed, clean, and comfortable, the house faking cleanliness adequately, and a myriad of other things. We are, in short, amazingly Glorious Moms (or dads). 

However, perfection is unattainable. We may be able to fake it for a day or two, but we aren’t God, and this isn’t heaven. There are things out of our control and things inside our control, things which aren’t our fault, and things for which we have no excuse. 

The bottom line is this: we care deeply. We want to perfectly create a perfect world for the objects of our affection. We want to give them our best. We don’t want to snap in anger, continually say no to our five-year-old who just wants to play with mommy, or forget to have a meal ready for our husband. 

These creatures of fierce passion, our loves, they disappoint in turn: tantrums, disobedience, poor performance in school, bad decisions. But we yearn for perfection, the way things were designed to be! For them and us. That perfection is not yet. It will be, soon, but for now we have this seemingly mediocre counterfeit. 

How to deal with the perpetual crushing disappointment, the inevitable sadness? I have two small thoughts on the matter. 

One: that we go on loving our family and loving God is a shining representation of our faith. That on this broken side of eternity we would waddle through a myriad of obstacles, loving and serving the best we know how is one of the most precious acts of worship we can present the Lover of our souls. Don’t think He doesn’t see! He sees and cherishes it. 

My second thought is that as challenging as it is, we need to take our eyes off our thousands of failures, and set them first of all, on the One who never fails, and second of all, on the good things He has given us. Philippians 4:8 says to think about the good things. At one point I was journaling three things every day that had made me happy. It really helps to program your brain to focus on positive things. 

The truth is, despite multiple repeated failures, we are not failures as mothers, friends, daughters, spouses … every day we put our needs last and focus on the needs of the ones we love the most, and move heaven and earth to meet those needs. It doesn’t always happen, but they are super-lucky to have us. 

7 baby products that shouldn’t exist

By this point I’ve been through three babies. My youngest is a toddler. So I find myself at times asking the question, “who on earth thought this baby (or toddler) product was a good idea, and why have they not made amends for their error?” Read my list, and then let me know if you agree, or if I missed any. 

Tie shoes

Why does a baby or toddler need laces? Do they know how to tie their shoes? It looks cute. Yeah. I look cute with kids screaming at me when I’m running late and it’s taking five times as long as it should to wrangle a squirmy kid into their footwear. DUMB. All baby and toddler shoes should be Velcro. 

Pajamas with snaps

If you love someone, or even mildly don’t wish them pain and suffering, DON’T give them baby pajamas with snaps. With a newborn, you’re changing their diapers several times in the middle of the night – do you really want to deal with eighty snaps at 3AM? Does it get better as they outgrow their nightly feedings? NO! What comes next is squirmy toddlerhood. Do you think they’re going to sit still and patiently wait for you to snap all 1200 snaps, realize you missed one, unsnap them all and then resnap them again? By this time they’ve pulverized your internal organs with their flailing feet and pulled your hair out by its roots. If there be any love or compassion in you at all, give zippered pajamas at the baby shower.

Bibs with Velcro

I love Target. It’s close and quick. Therefore I buy 99% of my stuff there. So I was always frustrated that ALL their bibs featured Velcro. Do you know how useless that is? The baby will wear that bib for maybe a month or two before he figures out that he can rip the hated thing off in a heartbeat. Do you think your newly-minted toddler is keeping it on? Ha! Why don’t they only make bibs with snaps or strings? Too logical, I know. 

Wipes that don’t pull apart

I’ve sampled enough wipes to know what features are important to me, and top amongst them is the ability to separate easily. When I discover that the diaper I thought housed pee is hiding poop instead, I want to be able to make that nastiness disappear ASAP before Crafty Toddler or Curious Baby starts exploring the poop with their fingers. If I gotta struggle to get my next wipe, I may not finish this thing in time. My LEAST favorite are the Target Up & Up brand wipes, while the ones I like the most are Pampers. 

Nose bulbs

Unfortunately, I did not discover the Nose Frida until my third baby. Zac was always congested, and addicted as he was to the paci, he needed to breathe through his nose. I’m telling you, even the hospital-issued nose bulbs do next to nothing. The Nose Frida, or Snot Sucker as I call it, was 5x as effective. 

Pull-ups without side Velcro

This is a no-brainer. You know how hard it is to remove a poopy pull-up that doesn’t disattach at the sides? I literally just rip the pull-up off my child. Another example of a product that must not have been made by a parent who actually uses it. Luckily, Huggies makes a pretty decent pull-up with the side Velcro. 

Musical toys without an Off button 

I think pretty much all modern toys now come with Off buttons; some are even smart enough to have two volume choices. Although this still doesn’t solve the problem of your kid activating a sound that doesn’t stop manually and then walking out of the room 😱😱😱.

You’d think after all these years someone would figure out what works and what doesn’t, but no … they leave it to us moms to sort everything out. 

I took a shower

I took a shower. 

Earth paused its rotation in sheer contemplation of the boldness of such an act.

God in His glory laughed at the story of me getting clean; it’s a fact. 

I took a shower. 

Two little boys with plenty of toys decided they needed the others’. 

Then shouting ensued along with some rude shoving and hitting of brothers. 

I took a shower. 

I then heard a yell as my little girl fell from trying to fly like a fairy. 

She then ran in fear, yelling in tears, “without you, mom, everything’s scary!”

I took a shower. 

Little boy had to poo, then what did he do, but remove his diaper this minute. 

With poop smearing here, and all over there, what did he do but walk in it. 

I took a shower. 

One found a cabinet with pots and pans in it, and arranged them all on the floor. 

The other found rice, and thought it was nice, to give it a little pour. 

I took a shower. 

I was desperate and dirty, not at all perty, so I did what any mom would. 

I took a gamble, left the house in shambles, but I cleaned myself real good. 

The surprising reason you had a bad day

Everyone has one of those days. It might start early in the morning, or later in the day. Something small but not-quite-right happens that gets under your skin. Today I was looking forward to sleeping in, as Jac didn’t have school. Then two of my kids woke up at 6:15AM anyways, my youngest insisting I feed him breakfast. 

This tiny inconvenience that gets under your skin is compounded by several other ones that usually wouldn’t bother you a bit, but today irritate the garbage out of you. I was so behind today, despite managing my time the best I could (why was I behind? I got up early?!?!) and I couldn’t make phone calls regarding my son’s therapy. MOM GUILT.

Sometimes we nip it in the bud, like the time I drove almost an hour to therapy only to find out insurance issues meant our session was cancelled. Instead of being annoyed, I took advantage of the babysitting situation and gave my son a leisurely visit to a nearby park without his siblings. 

But sometimes, despite all efforts, prayer, worship, chanting mantras, you name it; the Bad Day settles itself in and refuses to dislodge. Today I’m trying to figure out why, as my husband watches the kids at the playground and I ponder from a park bench. He figured I needed alone time. 

In the midst of the brokenness and my silly angst over pretty much nothing, I feel the quiet stir of my soul. I blogged about this last week. I’m hungry for a perfect world without pain and mistakes and sadness, because I know it exists. The  subtle burning desire inside is a promise of an eternity full of life, joy and perfection. 

So what is the point to this tedious exercise? Why am I still here? Who would rather be here anyway? Asking these questions, I feel God whisper gently, “I need you to see that you need Me.” Reality opens up as it occurs to me that I’ve done it again. Tried to be super-mom. The Glorious Mom in my own strength. Perhaps buoyed by my successes, I forget I am nothing, have nothing and can do nothing apart from the Holy Spirit empowering me. 

I need the fruit of the Spirit in my life. I can’t do love, joy, peace – forget patience! – any of that is impossible. The best thing I can do is run to my Creator in my broken state and admit my desperate need. My glaringly obvious shortcomings. The Bible says He is close to the broken-hearted, but when I try to be fantastic on my own, He’s not quite close, and I’m not quite fantastic. 

Thank God He was waiting for this moment! For me to admit I need Him and to run to Him, humbly begging His presence and provision over my life. From this viewpoint, I understand how sometimes I need moments like this where I’m not quite excelling but rather failing gloriously, so I can see things clearly, as they are. Sometimes I need to have a Bad Day.